Do Pastors and Leaders have a role to play in the lives of Single Christians? Part 2 by Jacqueline Erasmus
If you talk to a lot of Christian singles today, you will find that a lot of singles feel “out of place” in their local church communities. The Singles who report that they “feel out of place” are usually also those who are quite active in their churches and are usually those who are really passionate about their faith. These singles serve in various capacities in the church but for some reason some single people don’t feel like valued members of their church communities. Some singles report that they “don’t quite fit in” at church. I think the time has come that we, as the Body of Christ, need to ask why Christian singles feel the way they do and why it is vital that Pastors and Leaders need to become aware of how they can best minister to single Christians so that they can flourish. Once again….for those Pastors and Leaders who are aware of the struggles of single people and who seek to provide a biblical perspective on singleness, I commend you and I say “well done”. I am however aware that a lot of Pastors and Church Leaders are not aware of the often silent struggles of single people in their congregations. There are many reasons why singles do not feel comfortable to share their struggles with Church Leaders but this is another topic for another day.
The role and responsibilities of Pastors:
Pastors have a responsibility towards their flock and the Word of God is very clear about what the Lord wants from his Shepherds. Look at what Peter, the Apostle said to Pastors:
1 Peter 5:1-3
Amplified Bible (AMP)
5 I warn and counsel the elders among you (the pastors and spiritual guides of the church) as a fellow elder and as an eyewitness [called to testify] of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a sharer in the glory (the honour and splendour) that is to be revealed (disclosed, unfolded):
2 Tend (nurture, guard, guide, and fold) the flock of God that is [your responsibility], not by coercion or constraint, but willingly; not dishonorably motivated by the advantages and profits [belonging to the office], but eagerly and cheerfully;
3 Not domineering [as arrogant, dictatorial, and overbearing persons] over those in your charge, but being examples (patterns and models of Christian living) to the flock (the congregation).
Being a Pastor is not an easy job for sure! I am however glad that God gives grace and power to those whom He has called to the prominent place of guiding and feeding His flock. Pastors usually select and appoint people to assist them to tend, guide and feed the flock. (Please see Acts 6:2-4 ) God knows that Pastors need assistance)
Also note that the same words that Peter uses to encourage Leaders and Pastors are very similar to the words used by Jesus when He addressed the Apostle Peter in relation to his call and commission:
John 21: 15 – 17:
15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
It is my sincere hope and prayer that Pastors across the world become more aware of the struggles that single people face. I believe that a greater awareness of the present struggles of single people will enable Pastors to help release single Christians into their callings. There are presently too many Christian Singles who are trapped because they have chosen to believe the lies of the enemy and sadly these anointed single Christians are living far below their God-given potential.
It is my hope and prayer that the insight and knowledge that I will share over the next couple of weeks will enable Pastors to reach out to the unmarried people in their congregation. I pray that these insights will enable Pastors to guide, feed and nurture the single people in their flock.
Today I want to explore one of the reasons why singles feel “out of place” in their church communities. I think this is a worthwhile subject to discuss and explore. As I have mentioned in my previous blog article (Why Christian Singles Struggle?) ….the Body of Christ consists of married people and single people and it is vital that Pastors pastor, teach and guide both married people and single people in an effective manner.
The failure to provide a biblical perspective on singleness:
I am for marriage and I believe in marriage. I however don’t think that Pastors often preach and teach on singleness from the pulpit. Those Pastors who do are definitely in the minority. It is important to note that throughout the Bible it is evident that the Lord called and anointed single and married people to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If we look at modern-day church congregations, we notice that there is a strong focus on marriages and family life. When do we ever hear a message about the struggles and pitfalls that single people face from the pulpit? When do we ever hear a biblical perspective on singleness? If Pastors preach about marriage and provide a biblical perspective on marriage, then Pastors should also endeavour to provide a biblical perspective on singleness. Pastors teach and guide on various subjects such as : finances, spiritual gifts, the fruit of the spirit, sex, marriage, addictions, sexual promiscuity etc. If Pastors teach on various kinds of subjects then they should not shy away from the subject of singleness.
I once shared some of my insights as it relates to single people’s struggles in the Body of Christ with a Christian Leader. The Leader completely agreed with me but when it came to actually addressing the singles people, the Leader did not want to act because this Leader thought that a message addressing single people in the church would cause single people to be uncomfortable? I was quite perplexed by this view, because I did not understand how providing a biblical perspective on singleness could cause discomfort to single people. In fact, I think a biblical perspective on singleness will set single people free!
I am not completely unsympathetic towards this particular leader’s perspective. It was clear to me that this particular leader did not feel comfortable because the Leader did not feel equipped to teach on this particular subject. This leader has been married for many years and clearly could not relate to single people. I can understand this Leader’s apparent lack of substantial knowledge as it relates to the subject of singleness but I have to be very bold today and say this:
Pastors and Church Leaders need to be careful not to pastor and lead from their own comfort zones. If Pastors and Leaders only lead and pastor those groups in their church with whom they can relate and with whom they feel comfortable with, they are in fact neglecting the rest of their flock. I am not proposing that single people require special attention but single people need guidance and teaching specifically as it relates to living as a single Christian in today’s world. Married people need to hear messages that specifically addresses marriage and what a Godly marriage ought to reflect. In a likewise manner, single Christians need to be guided and taught what singleness looks like from God’s perspective.
I want to propose that we need to seek and dig deep in the Word of God to construct a biblical perspective on various subjects and we need to make it our aim to teach and preach on all subjects which concerns people’s lives.
I believe that as Pastors and Leaders endeavour to teach a biblical perspective on singleness and as they seek to understand the struggles and pitfalls of modern-day single Christians, they will see an incredible transformation within their congregations. This transformation will not only affect communities but nations!
An encouragement to Single Christians:
If you find yourself in a situation where you are struggling with being single (i.e. unmarried), please seek out sound biblical teaching on this subject. If you feel confident enough, ask your Pastor to help you seek out a biblical perspective on singleness.
You may be single for a season, but whilst you are single, please know that God wants to use you and He wants you to know that you can be single and anointed. Do not allow the enemy to make you feel that you are “odd” because you are single. I want to go so far to say this to you my single brother and sister….. Do not allow the perspectives of very sincere Christians to make you feel “odd”. You are important to God and God wants to use you in a mighty way in His Kingdom!
One only has to look at the life of the Apostle Paul to know that God calls and uses single people in His Kingdom. The Apostle Paul is one example of a single and anointed man who was used by God in a POWERFUL way. Today we continue to read the letters of Paul and we get inspiration from the life and teachings of the Apostle Paul.
So why do single Christians feel that in order to used by God they have to be married? In order to address this question, we will have to have a closer look at modern-day church culture.
I will address this very subject in my next blog article.
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